KotiUutisetRakas päiväkirja: Annoin ystävieni kohdella minua törkeästi

Rakas päiväkirja: Annoin ystävieni kohdella minua törkeästi



Olin lukiossa todella yksinäinen ja aina kun löysin uusia kavareita, tein kaikkeni pitääkseni heidät. Aloin hengailla Madisonin ja Rileyn kanssa, jotka olivat mielestäni parhaat ystäväni. He näyttivät sietävän seuraani kauemmin kuin muut, joten annoin heidän kohdella minua kauhealla tavalla. Mutta yhden kerran he ylittivät rajan, enkä voi ikinä unohtaa sitä.

Madisonilla oli rutkasti persoonallisuutta ja hän oli myös taiteellinen, kun taas Riley oli hiukan nörtti, mutta molemmat rakastivat laulamista ja teatteria. He eivät olleet minua kohtaan kauhean mukavia ja suurin merkki heidän kunnioituksen puuttumisesta minua kohtaan oli se, kun kävelimme koulun jälkeen alas portaita. Käytävä oli kapea ja siitä hädin tuskin mahtui kaksi ihmistä menemään samaan aikaan. Kävelin edellä ja Madison sekä Riley kävelivät takanani. Yhtäkkiä kuulin heidän sanovan: ”Eikö olisi hauskaa, jos työntäisimme hänet portaita alas?” He nauroivat ja sanoivat sen olevan vain herjaa, mutta miksi vitsailla tuollaisella asialla? Tämänkaltainen käyttäytyminen jatkui ja jatkui. Minua loukattiin useasti, kutsuttiin nimillä ja jopa jätettiin yksin. Annoin heidän tehdä niin, koska minusta tuntui, että minulla ei ollut ketään muutakaan ja siksi jätin kaikki nämä varoitusmerkit huomioimatta.

Vihdoin tajusin, kuinka kamalia he olivat minua kohtaan, kun eräänä päivänä kuntosalilla istuessani tämä ns. ystäväni lauloi oman versionsa kappaleesta ”Dog Days Are Over”, mutta sen sijaan, että laulaisi perheen ottamisesta mukaan, hän korvasi sanat kavereidemme nimillä. Kun kappaleessa lauletaan, että pitää jättää kaikki rakkaus ja kaipaus taakse, hän korvasi sen kohdan sanoista minun nimelläni. Kun sanoin hänelle, että ei ollut ollenkaan kivaa, niin hän vastasi tylysti: ”Ollaan rehellisiä! Jos yhden pitäisi lähteä tästä ryhmästä, niin se olisit sinä!” Tuntui, kuin minut olisi murskattu. Sen jälkeen luottamus ihmisiin meni totaalisesti. Toki puhuimme vielä koulussa, mutta emme enää hengailleet sen ulkopuolella. Puhuin heidän kanssaan lähinnä sen takia, että he olivat jotakuinkin ainoita kavereita, joita minulla oli.

Valmistumisen jälkeen en edes yrittänyt pitää yhteyttä kehenkään heistä. En ole puhunut heidän kanssaan sen jälkeen, enkä kadu sitä ollenkaan. Olin lukiossa naiivi, mutta siellä minusta tuli kyyninen ja skeptinen. Luottamus on ansaittava. Toivon, että olisin tiennyt sen silloin.

Lähde: Dear Diary

Kuva: Unsplash





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